Master asked me to think about what my fears might be within the lifestyle. Besides the obvious, there are one or two.
I know, deep down, I am a little afraid of what people may say if we were out together, the three of us, and open about the lifestyle in public. I know a lot of people will disaprove and my image may be tarnished. As much as I do love Master and BrightEyes, I am afraid to loose my public image.
Part of me is afraid of giving up that bit of control over myself. Making someone else accountable for me as a person. It may be the years I spent denying my submissive side, it might just be the Domme side of my personality, but I am afraid to give up that last bit of control over myself. BrightEyes is able to do it so easily, and I know it is because she sees Master as worthy of her submission, and so do I, I just can't give up that little bit of control. I envy BrightEyes because, with all she has been through in the past, she is still able to fully give herself to Master in that way. I am afraid that, one day, my inability to give as fully as she does will cost me this relationship.
There really isn't much Master could say or do that would cause fear in me. My main fear is that Master will one day ask me to do something or say something and I won't be able to comply. Not due to a physical limitation, but a mental one.
I am afraid that, when we are finally together again in the flesh, the chemistry between BrightEyes and myself won't be there as it was in the past.
I am afraid of my feelings not ever being returned. I am afraid I am not the submissive Master would like me to be. I am afraid of the opposite end of the spectrum too. That Master's feelings for me may become stronger then they are for BrightEyes or that He will not be comfortable with BrightEyes submitting to me, or that she submits more to me then Master.
I guess that I am afraid of more then I initially realized, lol.
Thursday, February 26, 2009
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
Out without Master
While Master was home, doing what He does while with His family, I went out. I have a certian image I have to maintain, and Master understands that and knows there are some things I have to do and act like I am having a good time. Luckily for me, I can go out with a good friend who knows all about Master and our relationship, so that makes it easier to have fun. He knows Master would want me to have fun while out when at all possible.
Well, "Ben" and I went out to a club while Master was home and had a pretty good time. He commented on my dress, asking if Master would approve, to which I explained that Master understands that I have to dress a certian way and He does not mind if people desire what is His, as long as they don't have what is His. Then, while we were out, he asked me if Master would aprove of me getting drunk, which I was not doing, lol. It is nice to have someone I interact with on an almost daily basis who knows about Master.
He said he would watch out for me and keep an eye on me for Master when He is home and not in communication with me as much as when He is on the road.
Having "Ben" around does help me not miss Master as much when He is home and helps pass the time a little.
Well, "Ben" and I went out to a club while Master was home and had a pretty good time. He commented on my dress, asking if Master would approve, to which I explained that Master understands that I have to dress a certian way and He does not mind if people desire what is His, as long as they don't have what is His. Then, while we were out, he asked me if Master would aprove of me getting drunk, which I was not doing, lol. It is nice to have someone I interact with on an almost daily basis who knows about Master.
He said he would watch out for me and keep an eye on me for Master when He is home and not in communication with me as much as when He is on the road.
Having "Ben" around does help me not miss Master as much when He is home and helps pass the time a little.
Friday, February 13, 2009
Covered, more training...
Master gave me another training session today. He woke up needing some...relief. So, this morning, He used it as a trainign tool. He offered His cock for oral pleasure, which I gave, without allowing me to touch myself, then, when Master was ready to fuck me, another training session in itself, since Master expects both BrightEyes and I to have our pussies available to Him during every scene, He fucked me without allowing me to orgasm. When it was time for His release, He decided to spray His gift into my mouth, with my mouth open so He could see His cum spray into my mouth.
It was a good learning experience for me. It reaffirmed my place, reaffirmed what can be expected of me at times, to be used by Master for His pleasure with no reguard to my own, although this is the first time He has fucked me without allowing me to cum.
Now onto a more personal matter.
When I was growing up, before she died, my mother would keep her head covered during the day, as would my grandmother, only removing the covering when alone with my father or grandfather, respectively. It was a show of humality, humbleness and submission to their husbands, saving something for their eyes only, saving their crowning glory for their husbands, if you will. I have been doing this on my own, at home, when I am able to, for Master. I had mentioned it to BrightEyes and she liked the idea, especially since Master likes both of our long hair. I was elected amoung the two of us to speak to Master about this, since I grew up with it. I mentioned it to Master today and He said it was okay with Him if we both did it.
So, my sister submissive and I are both covered now, lol, our hair only for Master's enjoyment and pleasure. This is how I wear it most often.
BrightEyes has been twisting hers into a bun for now until she is more used to doing it when she wears an actual scarf and we both use a regular bandana type of thing when we want something simple while doing house work or for me when I go to the gym.
It was a good learning experience for me. It reaffirmed my place, reaffirmed what can be expected of me at times, to be used by Master for His pleasure with no reguard to my own, although this is the first time He has fucked me without allowing me to cum.
Now onto a more personal matter.
When I was growing up, before she died, my mother would keep her head covered during the day, as would my grandmother, only removing the covering when alone with my father or grandfather, respectively. It was a show of humality, humbleness and submission to their husbands, saving something for their eyes only, saving their crowning glory for their husbands, if you will. I have been doing this on my own, at home, when I am able to, for Master. I had mentioned it to BrightEyes and she liked the idea, especially since Master likes both of our long hair. I was elected amoung the two of us to speak to Master about this, since I grew up with it. I mentioned it to Master today and He said it was okay with Him if we both did it.
So, my sister submissive and I are both covered now, lol, our hair only for Master's enjoyment and pleasure. This is how I wear it most often.
BrightEyes has been twisting hers into a bun for now until she is more used to doing it when she wears an actual scarf and we both use a regular bandana type of thing when we want something simple while doing house work or for me when I go to the gym.
Friday, February 6, 2009
Interview with a Submissive (greater then I)
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Wednesday, February 4, 2009
Coming soon.....
Coming soon, BrightEyes and I will interview each other about our lives, our loves, our feelings for Master, and reuniting after so many years apart
I'm going to hell
I am definately going to hell, lol. After watching Witness the other day, I had a very vivid dream about Master, BrightEyes and myself. That is not the part that will be sending me straight to hell in a handbasket, oh no, the fact that is sending me straight to the gallows is that I transfered our relationship into an Amish setting. Master and BrightEyes were married on a huge farm and I was the spinster neighbor they were having a wild affair with.
Only I would take such a simple people, a people who are plain in every sense of the word, and turn it into a hot, steamy, forbidden, hell bound dream. I don't know what was worse, if we were all Amish in the dream, that Master was a preacher, or that it was a Sunday when the preaching service was held at their home.
It was hot and steamy, that much was for sure. It was in their barn at the border between their farm and the one I lived on. It was so vivid, I can still see Master in the straw hat and mustacheless beard, BrightEyes in the blue long sleeve dress, prayer cap, and apron, and me in the purple dress, cap, and apron. I can still smell the hay, still feel the wood of the hay loft under my back, the rough feel of the fabric of the homespun clothes as they were removed, still hear the distant mooing of Master's dairy cows.
I can still taste the kisses we shared, still feel Master's beard as His mouth traveled across my body, still hear BrightEyes' groan of pleasure. I can still vividly see Master as He helped us both pick hay out of our hair when we were finished, or feel His beard and hair under my fingers as I removed hay from Him as we all heard the cloppity clop of aproaching buggies. The twinkle of our acts still in our eyes as BrightEyes helped me return my hair to the unforgiving bun under the prayer cap. The wink from Master as He left the barn to get ready for the service. It was wonderful, lol.
Yes, I am without a doubt going to hell, taking an express bus there in fact, but as long as Master and BrightEyes come with me, I don't care, lol.
Only I would take such a simple people, a people who are plain in every sense of the word, and turn it into a hot, steamy, forbidden, hell bound dream. I don't know what was worse, if we were all Amish in the dream, that Master was a preacher, or that it was a Sunday when the preaching service was held at their home.
It was hot and steamy, that much was for sure. It was in their barn at the border between their farm and the one I lived on. It was so vivid, I can still see Master in the straw hat and mustacheless beard, BrightEyes in the blue long sleeve dress, prayer cap, and apron, and me in the purple dress, cap, and apron. I can still smell the hay, still feel the wood of the hay loft under my back, the rough feel of the fabric of the homespun clothes as they were removed, still hear the distant mooing of Master's dairy cows.
I can still taste the kisses we shared, still feel Master's beard as His mouth traveled across my body, still hear BrightEyes' groan of pleasure. I can still vividly see Master as He helped us both pick hay out of our hair when we were finished, or feel His beard and hair under my fingers as I removed hay from Him as we all heard the cloppity clop of aproaching buggies. The twinkle of our acts still in our eyes as BrightEyes helped me return my hair to the unforgiving bun under the prayer cap. The wink from Master as He left the barn to get ready for the service. It was wonderful, lol.
Yes, I am without a doubt going to hell, taking an express bus there in fact, but as long as Master and BrightEyes come with me, I don't care, lol.
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
Where...
(Blogger ate my post)
I wonder where Master is....I know He was going to be home for extra time this time, but I wonder when He will be back on the road...I know He was a little jealous because I was in Tampa Sunday for the game, and it was a very good game, too, lol...I wonder when He will be back at work...I miss Him and our talks while He is driving.... I wonder if Master has started a blog like BrightEyes and I have... Or if He will, I would love to read what He thinks about our relationship, the life He leads, life in general, lol....
I wonder where Master is....I know He was going to be home for extra time this time, but I wonder when He will be back on the road...I know He was a little jealous because I was in Tampa Sunday for the game, and it was a very good game, too, lol...I wonder when He will be back at work...I miss Him and our talks while He is driving.... I wonder if Master has started a blog like BrightEyes and I have... Or if He will, I would love to read what He thinks about our relationship, the life He leads, life in general, lol....
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